Monday, June 27, 2005

Kaine declares self "the do-nothing candidate"

In what Virginia Democratic political consultant Dave "Mudcat" Saunders labels an "absolutely f**king brilliant piece of g*dd*mn rural Southern political strategy," Tim Kaine has promised that though he believes Virginia's transportation grid is deteriorating and his religious faith makes him oppose the death penalty, he will neither raise taxes or oppose executions if elected Governor. These policy statements come hard on the heels of Kaine's vow to leave gun owners alone though he personally desires more gun control, further solidifying Kaine's vow to be the "do nothing candidate."

Kaine says he will close transportation budget shortfall with low-bid road work. Posted by Hello

"This is boudacious," said Mudcat as he gutted something small with fur on it. "This is what I've been trying to tell people, g*dd*mmit. Rural voters can do business with a Democrat who promises to do absolutely f**king nothing, hell yes. Rednecks are open to proposals that challenge their assumptions about the world, as long as those ideas don't come from someone who seems to disrespect what they believe. And since the Democratic party disrespects everything they do believe, why not promise to do nothing? Liberal, my ass. A liberal is always going to meddle in your sh*t, and Kaine's promising he won't. It's f**king brilliant, I'm telling you. Give me that Mason jar, willya?"