I'm not questioning their patriotism, but...

A masked group identifying itself as the "Roanoke Times Editorial Staff Liberation Army" has seized Iraqi children visiting Roanoke and threatened to shoot a child every day until the Bush McHitlerburton administration razes Gitmo and releases photos of nekkid men in Abu Ghraib prison.

"Well, sure it's and extreme demand, and maybe it does support the terrorists a bit," said the masked leader, "but you have to put things in perspective. One or two Iraqi children are nothing compared to stopping torture. Have you ever felt the pain and humiliation of wearing panties on your head? No? Well then, Luanne -- I mean Comrade Xena -- give me your panties and -- What do you mean you aren't wearing any? Didn't Wendy mention the dress code in the interview? Never mind. Elizab -- uh, Comrade Fonda -- What? Dammit! Isn't anyone wearing... Oh, thanks Dan -- uh, Comrade Mustafa."

Developing....