Cries and Whispers in the Roanoke Times Newsroom

(First voice) "What do you mean you can't go out to lunch?"

(Second voice) "Gotta save money."

(Silence)

(First voice.) "You didn't get a Christmas bonus, did you?"

(Silence)

(First voice) "It was that piece you wrote attributing some of the state budget surplus to the Republicans, wasn't it?"

(Silence)

(First voice) "You dork! I told you, man -- never, never, NEVER give those guys credit for anything if you're gonna work here. Don't you think maybe there is a REASON the entire editorial staff are Bush-hating, lefty moonbats? Well, don't you? Jesus, where's your g*ddam head, man? Pay attention to what management thinks is important or you're looking at the road. Is that what you want? "

(Second voice) "Did you know a recent study showed that only 39% of adults get their news from newspapers, down from 60% in 1996, and that this newspaper may soon have less subscribers than Blue Ridge Country Magazine," a publication devoted to fun and history in the Appalachian mountains?"

(silence)

(First voice) "OK, shut up and let me have one of those sandwiches."