Southwest Virginia Hickphonics

Salt Lick has lots of Yankee friends. Shoot, he even married one, from Cleveland, Ohio ("Burn on, big river"). So. given the intense and growing interest in "Accentgate," Salt Lick offers the following Hickphonic dictionary as a public service to ignert people from Kansas and Vermont anxious to live amongst gun-toting rednecks with Confederate flag decals on their truck bumpers.

HEIDI- noun. Greeting. "Heidi."

HIRE YEW- Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, hire yew? You ain't from Kansas, are yew?"

JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Heidi, jew here that Tim Kaine says Jerry Kilgore tawks like a hick?"

SEED - verb, past tense of "to see."

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "Tim Kaine went to Harvard. I ain't never seed Harvard....view?"

FARN - adjective. Not local. Tim Kaine. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be from some farn country, like Harvard."

BARD- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck and a liberal Democrat tore off my rebel flag decal."

JAWJUH - noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "I wish Zell Miller was from Virginia instead of Jawjuh."

BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "Yew know. Bammer, that state next to Jawjuh, the one where Zell Miller lives."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "Dang, it cain't really be another six munts before the dern election."

THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Six more months? Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have another bare."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Kansas native." Usage: "Them West Virginia boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

DID- adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked
but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."